THE HEART.

So i intentionally used that picture of a Heart…..

we have often forgotten the shape of the real heart, the human heart,

we think it is in what they call “a love form”

and we have limited it to only Romantic times

disregarding MOST of it’s true purposes.

The heart to many is right here… in the chest

to some it spreads to the mind, becoming the “WELLSPRING OF LIFE”.

what is the heart to you?

is it a button to switch on and off?

is it a child to be told what to do?

Or is it the source of all you do? the “WELLSPRING OF LIFE”.

 

 

A letter

Dear God,

It is me again, yes…. broken, weary, scared, yes yes it is me again, back on my knees.

It is me again, ashamed, i can’t look up at you, your glory will remind me just how much i have fallen, but never the less my sin is before me day and night.

It is me again, needing nothing but yo hand, wanting nothing but yo breath, hungry for nothing but your word.. feed me lord, feed the 5000 hungry mouths within me.

It is me again lord, yes FALLEN yes yes yes it is me again back on my knees.

Won’t you restore me? will i fall again after this? is there hope for complete restoration back to you? Won’t you uphold me once more?

This is how i feel…. like i betrayed my most loyal friend, my ever present father, the pillar that i lean on when weary and tired.

Yes it’s me again, feeling friendless, fatherless and without standing ground. i am sinking again, won’t you reach out for this peter?

It is me again lord, yes FALLEN yes yes yes it is me again back on my knees.

I can relate with Paul, what i know i mustn’t do, i do, and what i should do fails me,

won’t you take me out of my misery, won’t you breathe life into these dry bones…

say to me, “COME ALIVE, COME ALIVE”

So yes, here i am again, and this time i intend to stay here, crying, needing, thirsting, hungry for you…

It is me again lord, yes Fallen yes yes yes it is me again back on my knees, Before you.

 

“hold on to me, sweet Jesus, never let me go, never let me go”

 

For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them;
My sin is always before me.
Against You, You only, have I sinned
And done that which is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak [Your sentence]
And faultless in Your judgment.

                               (Psalm 51)

Mercy before judgement lord.

 

HURT.

I don’t have a dictionary definition of pain

or HURT

or discomfort

or torture

but I have experienced them.

It has happened to me each time I choose to love, to give, to even like…

sometimes I wonder how heaven would feel like?

no pain, no crying, no confusion, just peace, joy and MUSIC.

Now here I am, writing because someone hurt me, someone who does not and should not have the power to hurt me.

this is only because I let them, foolish me right?

always trying to love and ending up in HURT. the irony!

There are moments I have experienced love, not even thinking that I could ever be hurt.

love, amazing love, unconditional love, love from the SAVIOR,

this is the one person I owe my heart,

my very being,

my every thought, my all,

the only person I have turned my back on, the only person i should not turn my back on.

I probably don’t fully know how he feels but I think I have a slight idea because my heart feels worn out even from the few times I have experienced HURT

NOW YOU ARE HERE,

and I am scared,

scared that this time I just might not handle it.

but then again, that’s how it seems every single time.

you are making the wounds seem invisible,

you are putting a smile amidst these tears

and sometimes you give me these crazy crazy butterflies.

I think and I worry,

I worry for you, for me, and for God’s heart.

scriptures seem to come into my mind that I cannot understand.

In moments like these, I think of God and you and I smile. knowing that for now, I have both of you, for now I have love,                                                                                                                                                                that for now I can handle this hurt with love seeing me through.

I prayed for something new, I prayed for a head not just a man, I prayed for healing and love came, love came

you and God make a good team.

LOVE NEVER FAILS….

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

i have gone over this scripture over and over again

trying to understand where exactly i have failed to get it

where exactly i have failed to obey it

where exactly i have failed to yield to it

that definition of love shows a perfect love, a possible perfect love.

but why does it seem so hard?

i have known perfect love for a few days, months, years, never forever

so what is the secret in this love that is for forever?

i have loved you with an everlasting love

with a love so strong

a love that never fails.

how does God do it? is this love even possible?

i think it is. i believe it is. and i have found it.

SIMPLE…

i have found it in him, the author of love

i have found it in them, those that serve him

i have found it in me, because he lives in me.

love that sees a person before the imperfections

a love that doesn’t not grow weary of good, but draws strength from it

A love that only grows,

A LOVE THAT NEVER FAILS….

YOU MAKE ME PRAY

YOU MAKE ME PRAY, constantly

you make me slowly realize power while on my knees, hands lifted, head bowed. the comfort of tears and the relief of sobs, in this weakness i have found strength because

you make me pray.

you make me slowly realize humility in thanksgiving, hands lifted, head bowed. the comfort of tears, the joy of sobs and the muffling of words amidst little giggles, in this submission i have found purpose because

you make me pray.

YOU MAKE ME PRAY, constantly

you make my heart burst with the desire to ask, to seek, to knock, hands lifted, head bowed. the questions have answers, the search has a path and the door is always opened. i have known prayer with a direction because

you make me pray.

i lift you up to God when i pray, i lift me up when i pray, on my knees, hands lifted, head bowed. in this lack of wisdom i go to the giver of all wisdom, in this brokenness i go to the potter, in this death, i have come to the giver of life because

you make me pray.

the confusion, makes me pray.

the delight in seeing you grow, makes me pray.

the desire to see you walk in the ways of God, makes me pray.

the dependance on a greater Man makes me pray.

your silence makes me pray.

your laughter makes me pray.

your pain makes me pray.

YOU MAKE ME PRAY.

M.I- you make me pray, constantly.

CALL TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU, I WILL SHOW MARVELOUS AND WONDERFUL THINGS THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.

JER 33:3

LUCY.

Dear Lucy,

How are you? For my sake I hope your well. your well being could make my day so much brighter, you have no idea.

when you are well, I am glad, not because I am in a better place, no, only because you are in that better place.

Has the lord been good? but of course, even without our knowledge, I know he has been good. I have grown to have confidence in him and no other, so i am assured of his goodness towards you.

How is your heart? please remember to guard it. better still why not leave it in the hands of the creator, the one who molded it, he knows exactly where each artery goes, he knows the right temperature for it to dwell in, why not leave it there?at least until he decides to give some space up for rent but until then, sell it to him.

Do you smile often? Are you happy? What is your source for this happiness? who is your source? How permanent is it? remember what I told you? there is only one permanent source of happiness,

GOD.

when you learn to base your smile and happiness on HIM, they will never fade.

Have you read the word of God today? how do you find it? does it get easier or harder? well it has to be one of the two.

but let me give you some comfort, know this… that right there is truth, no matter how piecing it is, it is truth, there is no where else that you will find truth except in there, so keep on reading it, keep on studying it, day by day, it will give you answers that no man can give, it is your guide to transformation.

finally…

This is my letter to you, written without an original but it is straight from my heart. looking at how far we have come makes me glad, the lord is good, he knows just the perfect combinations. you make me pray, you make me accountable, you make me responsible but most of all you make believe… you make me believe that my GOD REIGNS…. OUR GOD REIGNS. He brought you into my life and each day is beautiful, each day is a lesson, so this will be all for tonight, but as you smile remember this,

HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN I DO, HE CARES FOR YOUR HEART MORE THAN I DO, And that is why you should give him your all… yes give him your all, not only because I want it but because he wants it MORE.

Your humble Mentor                                                                                                             

ME.

LOVE IS YOU

LOVE IS YOU.

what is love? Paul says love is patient, love is kind, love is humble, love keeps no record of past wrongs, love never gives up.

John told me last night that he loves me, and I went ballistic, there were so many butterflies in my stomach I literally  started to see them in the trees, in the office, the radio started to play “butterfly kisses” oh! how i felt loved…..

He forgot my name, i was no longer ATAI to him, i was always something to eat, it was either honey or chocolate, or sugar or KFC chicken. i forgot how to walk, he called me baby and he showed it by carrying me almost every time. oh! how i felt loved…..

It was a dream come true, we had no fights, we were always on the same side, he loved my red and i loved his blue,  it was love, it had to be love.

Then One day, he sat me down and asked me this? DO YOU LOVE ME? my mind went blank…. no there were no questions, my mind was blank… he stared at me with eyes yearning for an answer, and i couldn’t give it to him. i opened my mouth to speak and out came nothing…….

he was asking me to submit to him, he was asking me to be willing to die for him, he was asking me to forget myself and look out for his best interests, he was asking me to be the mother of his children, he was asking me to LOVE HIM, he was asking me to know GOD.

John knew Paul, he also knows GOD, and they were out to get me. and they got me alright. and now it is no longer about the butterflies nor the love ballads that took me to Disney world in my sleep. It was MORE… IT WAS LOVE… it is LOVE in patience, love in kindness, love in purity, love in self control, love in obedience, love in submission, it is love in CHRIST.  LOVE is you……